Saturday, February 3, 2001
Generating Bonds - To LTF
My mom was up so I took a chance and read her both of your funny things. I figured, the woman didn't get married until she was 30, was in the Navy in "those" days, had a couple "fiancés" before she married, she'll think the bawdily genital description of eager young men is funny. I didn't prepare her and she said, "Oh, my!" But she laughed.
Living with this woman who's sensibilities are so unlike mine is a treat. I've lived too long on my own to even consider subsuming my earthiness around my mother and my mother has lived too long as an outwardly genteel person with a quietly searching heart to even consider approving of some of my earthy displays and interests. We both know, though, we're here together for the duration, we liked each other before we decided to do this and now it makes no sense to mince around one another. Neither of us likes to be uncomfortable in our home.
Living with this woman who's sensibilities are so unlike mine is a treat. I've lived too long on my own to even consider subsuming my earthiness around my mother and my mother has lived too long as an outwardly genteel person with a quietly searching heart to even consider approving of some of my earthy displays and interests. We both know, though, we're here together for the duration, we liked each other before we decided to do this and now it makes no sense to mince around one another. Neither of us likes to be uncomfortable in our home.
Thursday, February 1, 2001
Heartfelt Information - To LTF
The phone was plugged in on time. We were gone a lot throughout the day but in the evening no one called. I was relieved. Just before I went on the internet though, just now, it started ringing. I unplugged it. I guess I still have a day or two to go.
The echo cardiologist was right. Mom's PCP, after reviewing the results of the echocardiogram, said her heart is "just fine". There are some slight "artifacts" [Interesting use of this word, don't you think?] of cholesterol outlining her carotid arteries here and there but these are normal. He explained how to interpret the photographs. I saw that her arteries are wide and clear. It is amazing. At one point he used "69%" to explain how well her heart is working. I said, "69% of what?" He laughed and said, "69% of what we assume her heart's capacity is. The joke is, even with stress tests we can't accurately measure the ultimate capacity of a person's heart unless they die on the treadmill." He actually said that. "Your mother was at rest during the echo [but not asleep, a different state] and her heart worked at 69% of capacity. In someone her age, discounting other factors, you'd expect the resting rate to be higher." He also doubted, because of the "health of her heart", that I was giving her credit for as much exercise as she actually gets. I didn't say anything but I when reported that to MFS this morning she laughed. She was here for two weeks. She saw how "much" our mother moves.
He also said that my mother is in no danger of her diabetes damaging her to the point of disability or death before she dies from something else. "She's probably only had it for a couple of years so, in her case, it is strictly 'old age diabetes'," he said. I suspected this but it was nice to finally have the guy who manages The Diabetes Storm Trouper admit to this. I asked him to please pass this information on to his charge. He said he would. He also explained to me why she's that way. No, she isn't diabetic. Her father, in his early sixties, suffered massive heart failure as a result of undetected Type II diabetes. I understand now but I still think that, in the medical profession, a practitioner should guard against such connections. I think they contain great potential for harm. In fact, I launched a verbal essay on this very subject for the doctor. He said he agreed, probably because he was anxious to get this very odd companion daughter out of his office. I mean, I'm sure he's not going to get rid of his Diabetes Storm Trouper. I'm also sure that, as all patient-oriented physicians (vs. procedure-oriented physicians) are, he's very good at shmoozing his patients' caregivers when he needs to. But, at least, everyone in his office knows, now, that when I get three or four differing stories from them I'm going to insist on distilling it to one and they are going to have to participate in the process.
His parting words to my mother were: "Now get out of here and don't come back until you're sick!" He's very good at reading older people (He told me, yesterday, he's always specialized in geriatrics; he's probably close to 65 now). My mother was so pleased with his last remark, it's so generationally specific and perceptive, that she's quoted it back to me, and to MFS, several times, just since yesterday.
I can now assure my sisters that Mom will not be stroking out or keeling over within the next few months; or few years, for that matter.
So, Mom celebrated by buying a box of Hershey's Almond Bars at the grocery and eating them for supper. She also bought two quarts of strawberries. She's eating those now. I'm not taking blood sugar readings on her today.
The echo cardiologist was right. Mom's PCP, after reviewing the results of the echocardiogram, said her heart is "just fine". There are some slight "artifacts" [Interesting use of this word, don't you think?] of cholesterol outlining her carotid arteries here and there but these are normal. He explained how to interpret the photographs. I saw that her arteries are wide and clear. It is amazing. At one point he used "69%" to explain how well her heart is working. I said, "69% of what?" He laughed and said, "69% of what we assume her heart's capacity is. The joke is, even with stress tests we can't accurately measure the ultimate capacity of a person's heart unless they die on the treadmill." He actually said that. "Your mother was at rest during the echo [but not asleep, a different state] and her heart worked at 69% of capacity. In someone her age, discounting other factors, you'd expect the resting rate to be higher." He also doubted, because of the "health of her heart", that I was giving her credit for as much exercise as she actually gets. I didn't say anything but I when reported that to MFS this morning she laughed. She was here for two weeks. She saw how "much" our mother moves.
He also said that my mother is in no danger of her diabetes damaging her to the point of disability or death before she dies from something else. "She's probably only had it for a couple of years so, in her case, it is strictly 'old age diabetes'," he said. I suspected this but it was nice to finally have the guy who manages The Diabetes Storm Trouper admit to this. I asked him to please pass this information on to his charge. He said he would. He also explained to me why she's that way. No, she isn't diabetic. Her father, in his early sixties, suffered massive heart failure as a result of undetected Type II diabetes. I understand now but I still think that, in the medical profession, a practitioner should guard against such connections. I think they contain great potential for harm. In fact, I launched a verbal essay on this very subject for the doctor. He said he agreed, probably because he was anxious to get this very odd companion daughter out of his office. I mean, I'm sure he's not going to get rid of his Diabetes Storm Trouper. I'm also sure that, as all patient-oriented physicians (vs. procedure-oriented physicians) are, he's very good at shmoozing his patients' caregivers when he needs to. But, at least, everyone in his office knows, now, that when I get three or four differing stories from them I'm going to insist on distilling it to one and they are going to have to participate in the process.
His parting words to my mother were: "Now get out of here and don't come back until you're sick!" He's very good at reading older people (He told me, yesterday, he's always specialized in geriatrics; he's probably close to 65 now). My mother was so pleased with his last remark, it's so generationally specific and perceptive, that she's quoted it back to me, and to MFS, several times, just since yesterday.
I can now assure my sisters that Mom will not be stroking out or keeling over within the next few months; or few years, for that matter.
So, Mom celebrated by buying a box of Hershey's Almond Bars at the grocery and eating them for supper. She also bought two quarts of strawberries. She's eating those now. I'm not taking blood sugar readings on her today.
Wednesday, January 31, 2001
Staying on to Hold On - To LTF
I shouldn't even be up but I'm very anxious. I didn't mean to do it again, at least not so soon. But one day led into the next, I would simply plug the phone in when my mother wanted to use it and unplug it when she was done...it's not like I didn't get out at all. I've kept the vegetables fresh. The grocery is only a half mile away so I walk. We're making Mom's appointments. Today I had to drive the car. It felt odd. Anyway, I have to get over it by force tomorrow. I have to plug in the phone. I have to find my Xena Insurance (and Related Businesses) Warrior Suit and recommence my mother's business, again, and talk to people I know, try to explain myself, again, take my mother to two appointments, focus out the window, out the door. One not unimportant concern of mine is how I'm going to sound the first few times I answer the phone; probably like I'm at the other end of a loooong dissssstancccce connection. I probably will be for the first few calls but I'm sure I can function. I'm just nervous. It's hard to explain solitude in a member of a social species to members of a social species. At least it's not as extreme as it could get or has been because someone else lives here. I can usually only get away with this for about two weeks with Mom in observance.
I always forget how hard it is to readjust.
I always forget how hard it is to readjust.
