Wednesday, January 31, 2001
Staying on to Hold On - To LTF
I shouldn't even be up but I'm very anxious. I didn't mean to do it again, at least not so soon. But one day led into the next, I would simply plug the phone in when my mother wanted to use it and unplug it when she was done...it's not like I didn't get out at all. I've kept the vegetables fresh. The grocery is only a half mile away so I walk. We're making Mom's appointments. Today I had to drive the car. It felt odd. Anyway, I have to get over it by force tomorrow. I have to plug in the phone. I have to find my Xena Insurance (and Related Businesses) Warrior Suit and recommence my mother's business, again, and talk to people I know, try to explain myself, again, take my mother to two appointments, focus out the window, out the door. One not unimportant concern of mine is how I'm going to sound the first few times I answer the phone; probably like I'm at the other end of a loooong dissssstancccce connection. I probably will be for the first few calls but I'm sure I can function. I'm just nervous. It's hard to explain solitude in a member of a social species to members of a social species. At least it's not as extreme as it could get or has been because someone else lives here. I can usually only get away with this for about two weeks with Mom in observance.
I always forget how hard it is to readjust.
I always forget how hard it is to readjust.
