Tuesday, October 2, 2001
Mother Mine, or Me - To LTF
My mother just went to bed. Part of her bedtime ritual involves The Little Girl discovering she's in bed, heading into the bedroom, spending a few minutes roaming the room then jumping up on the bed, having a good night conversation with my mother, going to the bottom of the bed and settling down on the fleece blanket. My mother always calls me in at some point in this ritual because The Little Girl's bedtime routine thrills her so and she likes to share the thrill. So when Mom goes to bed I keep my ear cocked for her call of, "Gail...Gail," and head in. Tonight, she called, "Mother...Mother..."
I was startled. I went in, not sure who I was going to be. As it turned out, by the time I appeared in her room I was Gail again. I thought about whether to even mention her call for her mother to her then decided, yeah, why not, maybe making her aware of these things as she does them helps her in some way; not to revert back to what I think of as reality but helps her keep in touch with the fact that she's still here dealing with people in a reality somewhat different from hers. Maybe doing this even allows her to accept it, appreciate it and go with the flow. My mother has always liked the objective perspective.
So I asked her if she realized she'd just called me "mother".
"I did?" she said, her brow wrinkling in confusion.
"Yeah, Mom, you did." I laughed, making sure it was an easy laugh.
I remembered mentioning to you that I was glad I hadn't become her mother because her relationship with her mother was distant. So I said, "Well, if I'm going to be your mother I hope our relationship is better than yours was with your mother."
She took this in stride. "It's already better than my relationship with my mother was."
I can't tell you how gratifying it was for me to hear this.
"O.K. So, I guess I'm your mother now," I said.
"And I'm yours."
"I wonder what the geneticists would make of that."
My mother laughed. "They'd say, 'It figures, those Hudson women, way out there alone, no men around, you just never know.'" This was a reference to a quote from her mother, who, as she was slipping into senility, remarked anxiously to my Aunt Jean about my mother's living circumstances, "It's just not right, women way out there [in Mesa], alone, without any men."
I laughed.
My mother turned out her light.
I'm her mother, now. God, LTF, I didn't think this would happen yet.
I was startled. I went in, not sure who I was going to be. As it turned out, by the time I appeared in her room I was Gail again. I thought about whether to even mention her call for her mother to her then decided, yeah, why not, maybe making her aware of these things as she does them helps her in some way; not to revert back to what I think of as reality but helps her keep in touch with the fact that she's still here dealing with people in a reality somewhat different from hers. Maybe doing this even allows her to accept it, appreciate it and go with the flow. My mother has always liked the objective perspective.
So I asked her if she realized she'd just called me "mother".
"I did?" she said, her brow wrinkling in confusion.
"Yeah, Mom, you did." I laughed, making sure it was an easy laugh.
I remembered mentioning to you that I was glad I hadn't become her mother because her relationship with her mother was distant. So I said, "Well, if I'm going to be your mother I hope our relationship is better than yours was with your mother."
She took this in stride. "It's already better than my relationship with my mother was."
I can't tell you how gratifying it was for me to hear this.
"O.K. So, I guess I'm your mother now," I said.
"And I'm yours."
"I wonder what the geneticists would make of that."
My mother laughed. "They'd say, 'It figures, those Hudson women, way out there alone, no men around, you just never know.'" This was a reference to a quote from her mother, who, as she was slipping into senility, remarked anxiously to my Aunt Jean about my mother's living circumstances, "It's just not right, women way out there [in Mesa], alone, without any men."
I laughed.
My mother turned out her light.
I'm her mother, now. God, LTF, I didn't think this would happen yet.
