Saturday, May 26, 2001
Visit Vexation - To LTF
MCS called this afternoon to cancel her trip. My understanding is that canceling plane reservations this late usually means forfeiting the fare. I guess cash occasionally bows to other "c" words, like cancer.
When MFS was here she and MPS and Mom and I called MCS to say hello and check on her plans. MFS mentioned to me that even though this house in Prescott isn't nearly as inundated with cigarette smoke as the one in Mesa and is open she can still smell it in everything. So can I. MFS said she wanted to mention that to MCS and I told her to go ahead. She should know how this home affects someone who is used to living in a non-smoking home.
And, you know, I, too, tried to make sure MCS was aware of this before she had made up her mind to visit. I suspect that MCS is wondering if she will ever "be able" to visit her mother again or if she will want to. I know Mom would love to see MCS again and I don't think that'll happen if it depends on us visiting MCS. I think Mom is pretty much beyond long distance travel.
It's very weird, living with someone for whom a habit that was considered benign, at least society thought it was benign at the time she took it up, is now considered just a bit less terrible than Armageddon. There's little chance that she'll quit or even agree that it's a dangerous habit. It's especially weird for me trying to negotiate her habits (her eating habits are constantly under scrutiny by her other daughters, as well; when they visit we always end up with a kitchen full of food, half of which I throw out because I'm the only one who eats it and the rest spoils) with those of her other daughters and feeling as though, when my mother gets together with her other daughters, there is a screen hanging between them and her; a screen erected by my sisters in order to protect themselves from her life. MCS has expressed concern that my life with our mother may be unhealthy for me and wondered if I worried about this. No. I don't. I'm not concerned about whether taking care of my mother for the rest of her life is somehow endangering my life. As I see it, there's from which nothing I need to protect myself.
I hope, now, that my mother lives long enough so that MCS feels comfortable visiting with her before either of them dies.
Time for a last house check before Mom's cousin arrives. My mother's been trying to get me to "try out" the hot chocolate recipe before her cousin gets here, just in case it "needs work". I'm not buying that tonight. She's in a good mood. I think this visit with her cousin will alleviate the disappointment she feels over MCS's decision to "wait until sometime later". In fact, if the two visits had been allowed to happen there's some question in my mind which of the two my mother would have appreciated more. It seems, as she gets older, it's not her children she misses, it's her peers. More about that, later.
When MFS was here she and MPS and Mom and I called MCS to say hello and check on her plans. MFS mentioned to me that even though this house in Prescott isn't nearly as inundated with cigarette smoke as the one in Mesa and is open she can still smell it in everything. So can I. MFS said she wanted to mention that to MCS and I told her to go ahead. She should know how this home affects someone who is used to living in a non-smoking home.
And, you know, I, too, tried to make sure MCS was aware of this before she had made up her mind to visit. I suspect that MCS is wondering if she will ever "be able" to visit her mother again or if she will want to. I know Mom would love to see MCS again and I don't think that'll happen if it depends on us visiting MCS. I think Mom is pretty much beyond long distance travel.
It's very weird, living with someone for whom a habit that was considered benign, at least society thought it was benign at the time she took it up, is now considered just a bit less terrible than Armageddon. There's little chance that she'll quit or even agree that it's a dangerous habit. It's especially weird for me trying to negotiate her habits (her eating habits are constantly under scrutiny by her other daughters, as well; when they visit we always end up with a kitchen full of food, half of which I throw out because I'm the only one who eats it and the rest spoils) with those of her other daughters and feeling as though, when my mother gets together with her other daughters, there is a screen hanging between them and her; a screen erected by my sisters in order to protect themselves from her life. MCS has expressed concern that my life with our mother may be unhealthy for me and wondered if I worried about this. No. I don't. I'm not concerned about whether taking care of my mother for the rest of her life is somehow endangering my life. As I see it, there's from which nothing I need to protect myself.
I hope, now, that my mother lives long enough so that MCS feels comfortable visiting with her before either of them dies.
Time for a last house check before Mom's cousin arrives. My mother's been trying to get me to "try out" the hot chocolate recipe before her cousin gets here, just in case it "needs work". I'm not buying that tonight. She's in a good mood. I think this visit with her cousin will alleviate the disappointment she feels over MCS's decision to "wait until sometime later". In fact, if the two visits had been allowed to happen there's some question in my mind which of the two my mother would have appreciated more. It seems, as she gets older, it's not her children she misses, it's her peers. More about that, later.
