Wednesday, May 23, 2001
My mother's disposition... - to LTF
...throughout The Visit: decidedly horizontal. LTF, she slept away a good two thirds of an extremely active double visit. Most of the time she slept on the futon couch in the living room as activity swirled around her. Nothing bothered her. She ate and drank an adequate amount and her blood sugar remained steady, but she slept more than I've seen her sleep in a long time. While it is true that it takes her a good couple of weeks to acclimate to the elevation while it takes me one morning walk, it seemed to me that her sleeping was excessive, although there was also something beatific about her sleeping amidst the vital family for whose existence she is responsible.
At first I was embarrassed. Everyone else, though, seems to take her sleeping much more easily than I do. I ran that thought I had when I was e-ing you, a while back, by MFS and MPS: That not being successful at getting her up might be elder abuse. At the same time I expressed the opposing thought that as long as her will is independent and she has a sense of herself she should be allowed under mild duress (sometimes I am able to convince her to stay up and do something rather than take another nap) to do what she wants as long as she does not appear to be in immediate danger; danger, of course, being of shady definition. Added to that, I admitted that I sometimes feel guiltily responsible for her prolonged sleep cycles (they aren't constant but seem to be constantly progressive) because the time alone it allows me to write, read, edit, think, garden, rearrange, quite suits my character. Thus, I may not notice if such a behavior was damaging to her. Both MPS and MFS were unconcerned that I might be doing her harm. MFS was very clear, citing me exhibiting both strategies (letting her sleep and harassing her into awareness and activity), that in her opinion the harassment was the elder abuse at this stage of the game.
Both of them, much more social than I, expressed concern that I was too "isolated" but did not flinch, in fact understood without explanation, when I laughed and reminded them that isolation is not a problem for me, it is a gift. I wondered aloud if either of them thought my "gift" might not be so to our mother. Neither of them is concerned about that either. They both thought the overall impression of the weekend/week (Mom sleeping in and through the middle of everything, usually fully clothed after having been coaxed through a bath, being jostled awake occasionally, checking to notice at what point she'd merged into the activity, approving, commenting, then returning "offline") was perfectly natural, appropriate and reassuring.
When we returned home from the airport yesterday morning Mom asked me when I would "be going back". I assumed she meant Seattle. I told her I wouldn't. "Good," she said. "You can stay with me."
At first I was embarrassed. Everyone else, though, seems to take her sleeping much more easily than I do. I ran that thought I had when I was e-ing you, a while back, by MFS and MPS: That not being successful at getting her up might be elder abuse. At the same time I expressed the opposing thought that as long as her will is independent and she has a sense of herself she should be allowed under mild duress (sometimes I am able to convince her to stay up and do something rather than take another nap) to do what she wants as long as she does not appear to be in immediate danger; danger, of course, being of shady definition. Added to that, I admitted that I sometimes feel guiltily responsible for her prolonged sleep cycles (they aren't constant but seem to be constantly progressive) because the time alone it allows me to write, read, edit, think, garden, rearrange, quite suits my character. Thus, I may not notice if such a behavior was damaging to her. Both MPS and MFS were unconcerned that I might be doing her harm. MFS was very clear, citing me exhibiting both strategies (letting her sleep and harassing her into awareness and activity), that in her opinion the harassment was the elder abuse at this stage of the game.
Both of them, much more social than I, expressed concern that I was too "isolated" but did not flinch, in fact understood without explanation, when I laughed and reminded them that isolation is not a problem for me, it is a gift. I wondered aloud if either of them thought my "gift" might not be so to our mother. Neither of them is concerned about that either. They both thought the overall impression of the weekend/week (Mom sleeping in and through the middle of everything, usually fully clothed after having been coaxed through a bath, being jostled awake occasionally, checking to notice at what point she'd merged into the activity, approving, commenting, then returning "offline") was perfectly natural, appropriate and reassuring.
When we returned home from the airport yesterday morning Mom asked me when I would "be going back". I assumed she meant Seattle. I told her I wouldn't. "Good," she said. "You can stay with me."
