Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Dueling Dispositions - To LTF
My mother's cousin is gone. It was a good visit. My mother was more active than usual. Her cousin eats exactly the same foods as my mother with one exception. She is a "meat, potatoes and mixtures" (mixtures without discernable vegetables, that is) person. The potatoes are the exception. My mother is a bread person instead of a potatoes person. What is it about my mother's generation of farm belt natives that they lead long, sturdy lives without the aid of vegetables???
Her cousin also announced when she arrived that she "needs a nap or two during the day." It was like having four cats in the house and not just because of the sleeping! I established a routine with my mother when I first arrived to live with her to make sure she gets touched and stimulated enough her skin doesn't dry out and she purrs at least once a day: After she bathes I massage lotion into every part of her that isn't covered by underwear. When I did this on Sunday Mom's cousin mentioned that it looks relaxing. My mother assured her it is. From that day through this morning I included Mom's cousin in the routine. When I do this with my mother the cats array themselves close around waiting for their turn at what I've come to call a "full body pet" (sans lotion for The Girls). One of the many satisfactions of the visit for me was the hour or so when I had four beings hanging out in the living room in various stages of undress waiting to be petted into a late morning nap.
She also loved the hot chocolate (no orange extract, thank you), and insisted we have it every evening much to my mother's delight. My mother's blood sugar rose a bit but I'm not worried; her spirits followed.
In the meantime, MCS called back. She and her husband have decided to drive out sometime before June 22nd, which is when her daughter and family arrive, and stay at a motel. She seemed relieved and excited about the visit. I assured her there would be no problem with spending the days they were here outside.
My mother's cousin loves television and introduced my mother to several shows that I shudder to think will now be a permanent feature of the background noise here in the evening. She follows all the "reality" shows which, luckily, do not interest my mother. Doubly luck, none of them (of which Mom's cousin knew) were being televised while she was here but baseball was and she's a fanatic. She watched all the games she was in the house to catch.
At one point we saw a commercial for a new reality show. I watched the commercial trying to figure what is so attractive about these shows. As the commercial reviewed the set-up I was struck by the fact that it described the outcasting, week-by-week, of one of the "contestants" with as much glee as it described the coming together of 12 (I think that was the number) into a close knit, interdependent community. Suddenly I thought, shit! That's it! People are enthralled by these little dramas because we are overcrowding ourselves and starting to practice for what will become, again, of our sense of the human community (since human overcrowding on a limited scale has been going on forever and is what has encouraged frontiersmanship, which is impossible in regards to land, anymore) until we thin ourselves out enough to be relatively comfortable again. I don't think this is inevitable. We do have the ability to think beyond aggression and, as we have occasionally shown, to act beyond aggression. Whether and when we will this time is another question. But I'm still glad my mother has no interest in these shows.
Mom's cousin's visit involved only one "bad" day: Monday. I woke up in a pit and had trouble climbing out. I tried to hide my distress with a "bearish", according to Mom's cousin, silence. Then I started sobbing over a skillet of bacon. About halfway through a very trying day (for me, not for my mother and her cousin; they are both unaffected by others' bad moods) I realized that it was the day after the last day of my period. I learned a long time ago that this is always a horrible day for me but it always takes me by surprise. It is especially surprising for me now because my periods, while no fewer (in fact, I'm having a few more a year than I was when I wasn't menopausal), no longer follow a schedule. In the last year I've had everything from a 7 day cycle with a 2 day flow similar to an artery being sliced to a 73 day cycle (the one I just completed) with a 12 day flow that was so light I wasn't ever sure until the day-after day if I was still flowing. Anyway, when I realized this and explained myself Mom's cousin suggested that it was probably menopausal and I should "go to a doctor and get it over with". I tried explaining to her that if I was being affected by the hormone fluctuations of menopause I couldn't tell it and saw no reason to dispel them because I've always considered my mood fluctuations phenomenal, interesting and have nurtured rather than controlled them. I also explained that the only menopausal symptom I believe I'm experiencing is outrageous cycles, which I can live with, so I don't see any reason to treat myself.
Actually, I've been taking soy isoflavone pills for several months hoping they might even out the cycles, but they're having absolutely no effect. Now I'm taking them because soy isoflavones are supposed to be good for your memory, according to my mother, who takes by choice 9 different supplements every morning. She's been a vitamin addict ever since I can remember. When I was very young she'd pass out these horrible tasting, round, orange vitamins that I would hold in my mouth until she turned her back. Then I'd place them under the leg of a chair which, of course, rendered our dining room chairs somewhat less mobile than normal.
My mother's cousin didn't get it but my mother leaned into her and confided, much to my surprise, "She's always been like that. If you just wait her out she'll be fine in a day or so. It makes life interesting." What a statement for my mother to make! I immediately laughed and dropped the guilt I've been feeling for being so unlike my mother, emotionally. Apparently it doesn't bother her that I'm not perpetually sunny.
Time for me to pay bills, do some surface cleaning in preparation for the Pull-Apart-The-Shed Party, which will happen this Sunday and prepare for our trip to Mesa tomorrow.
As a footnote, I am falling behind again but at least I am not unplugging the phone.
Her cousin also announced when she arrived that she "needs a nap or two during the day." It was like having four cats in the house and not just because of the sleeping! I established a routine with my mother when I first arrived to live with her to make sure she gets touched and stimulated enough her skin doesn't dry out and she purrs at least once a day: After she bathes I massage lotion into every part of her that isn't covered by underwear. When I did this on Sunday Mom's cousin mentioned that it looks relaxing. My mother assured her it is. From that day through this morning I included Mom's cousin in the routine. When I do this with my mother the cats array themselves close around waiting for their turn at what I've come to call a "full body pet" (sans lotion for The Girls). One of the many satisfactions of the visit for me was the hour or so when I had four beings hanging out in the living room in various stages of undress waiting to be petted into a late morning nap.
She also loved the hot chocolate (no orange extract, thank you), and insisted we have it every evening much to my mother's delight. My mother's blood sugar rose a bit but I'm not worried; her spirits followed.
In the meantime, MCS called back. She and her husband have decided to drive out sometime before June 22nd, which is when her daughter and family arrive, and stay at a motel. She seemed relieved and excited about the visit. I assured her there would be no problem with spending the days they were here outside.
My mother's cousin loves television and introduced my mother to several shows that I shudder to think will now be a permanent feature of the background noise here in the evening. She follows all the "reality" shows which, luckily, do not interest my mother. Doubly luck, none of them (of which Mom's cousin knew) were being televised while she was here but baseball was and she's a fanatic. She watched all the games she was in the house to catch.
At one point we saw a commercial for a new reality show. I watched the commercial trying to figure what is so attractive about these shows. As the commercial reviewed the set-up I was struck by the fact that it described the outcasting, week-by-week, of one of the "contestants" with as much glee as it described the coming together of 12 (I think that was the number) into a close knit, interdependent community. Suddenly I thought, shit! That's it! People are enthralled by these little dramas because we are overcrowding ourselves and starting to practice for what will become, again, of our sense of the human community (since human overcrowding on a limited scale has been going on forever and is what has encouraged frontiersmanship, which is impossible in regards to land, anymore) until we thin ourselves out enough to be relatively comfortable again. I don't think this is inevitable. We do have the ability to think beyond aggression and, as we have occasionally shown, to act beyond aggression. Whether and when we will this time is another question. But I'm still glad my mother has no interest in these shows.
Mom's cousin's visit involved only one "bad" day: Monday. I woke up in a pit and had trouble climbing out. I tried to hide my distress with a "bearish", according to Mom's cousin, silence. Then I started sobbing over a skillet of bacon. About halfway through a very trying day (for me, not for my mother and her cousin; they are both unaffected by others' bad moods) I realized that it was the day after the last day of my period. I learned a long time ago that this is always a horrible day for me but it always takes me by surprise. It is especially surprising for me now because my periods, while no fewer (in fact, I'm having a few more a year than I was when I wasn't menopausal), no longer follow a schedule. In the last year I've had everything from a 7 day cycle with a 2 day flow similar to an artery being sliced to a 73 day cycle (the one I just completed) with a 12 day flow that was so light I wasn't ever sure until the day-after day if I was still flowing. Anyway, when I realized this and explained myself Mom's cousin suggested that it was probably menopausal and I should "go to a doctor and get it over with". I tried explaining to her that if I was being affected by the hormone fluctuations of menopause I couldn't tell it and saw no reason to dispel them because I've always considered my mood fluctuations phenomenal, interesting and have nurtured rather than controlled them. I also explained that the only menopausal symptom I believe I'm experiencing is outrageous cycles, which I can live with, so I don't see any reason to treat myself.
Actually, I've been taking soy isoflavone pills for several months hoping they might even out the cycles, but they're having absolutely no effect. Now I'm taking them because soy isoflavones are supposed to be good for your memory, according to my mother, who takes by choice 9 different supplements every morning. She's been a vitamin addict ever since I can remember. When I was very young she'd pass out these horrible tasting, round, orange vitamins that I would hold in my mouth until she turned her back. Then I'd place them under the leg of a chair which, of course, rendered our dining room chairs somewhat less mobile than normal.
My mother's cousin didn't get it but my mother leaned into her and confided, much to my surprise, "She's always been like that. If you just wait her out she'll be fine in a day or so. It makes life interesting." What a statement for my mother to make! I immediately laughed and dropped the guilt I've been feeling for being so unlike my mother, emotionally. Apparently it doesn't bother her that I'm not perpetually sunny.
Time for me to pay bills, do some surface cleaning in preparation for the Pull-Apart-The-Shed Party, which will happen this Sunday and prepare for our trip to Mesa tomorrow.
As a footnote, I am falling behind again but at least I am not unplugging the phone.
