Thursday, March 15, 2001
I've Discovered the Secret... - To LTF
...to, well, I'm not sure what, maybe only my mother's continued existence, but I noticed something last night, throughout the entire evening that reminded me of something you wrote about her that I appreciate more and more the longer I live with her.
Normally in the evening while my mother is watching television and doing crosswords and usually something else like filing and polishing her nails or keeping up on the tabloids she buys (or putting Mild Taco Bell Sauce on cigarettes or lighting matches in her mouth) I'm usually at one of the computers or walking around the house doing chores (and putting off others). Last night I was feeling thrown off track and scattered so I avoided the computers and settled on the living room floor to sort through paperwork. I spent a lot of time looking at everything but the papers. I noticed that my mother's mouth has a very slight upward curve at the corners all the time and the skin around her eyes sits in such a way that it looks as though she is always just about ready to smile. My mother is magnificently wrinkled so, if anyone's mouth was going to pull down at the corners strictly as a result of age, it would be hers. At first I thought, "She's really enjoying herself tonight." As I continued glancing at her (actually, spying on her to the point of her finally asking me if there was something wrong with her hair) I noticed, regardless of what she was doing at any particular time her mouth and her eyes didn't change even when she stopped to read something to me, commented on something, reached down to pet the cats or pick up something she dropped, went into the kitchen to refill her water glass or slice more cheese. I realized, she always looks like that. It occurred to me that this is the secret to her life, including her open arteries, her relaxed heart, her entire body, which accepts and adjusts to anything she does to it (a lot of which causes health care providers to shudder). Her body seems to react to her life the same way she reacts to Life. She's always ready to be amused or warmed by whatever is going on or whatever she's thinking. I suspect she's always been that way. Right now I'm looking at her staring out the window at something, probably thinking about something and, sure enough, the woman appears ready to burst into a smile. Although I have no desire to make her angry I can't wait until the next time she gets mad (who knows how long that will be; she hardly ever gets mad and, obviously, she doesn't carry around any internal anger either). I wonder if the corners of her mouth will still tilt up.
I'm not sure it's the secret to anyone else's life or longevity or anything, despite the fact that there appears to be, in this culture at least, a tendency to browbeat people into "positive" attitudes by: citing "research" that people with "positive" attitudes are healthier, live longer, etc., or pointing to famous spiritual leaders and noting that they have ready smiles (it doesn't occur to people that being in the public eye because one appears to have something intangible that others want would tend to put a smile on one's face anyway, for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with generosity of spirit). But I think my mother's readiness to smile may be the secret to her health and longevity. It might also be one of the reasons that she is aging so easily, which is a tremendous gift to me.
I know there is that old argument (which is true) that women are trained to smile, but no one trains their at-rest mouth "up" instead of "down" unless they're an actor or consciously acting their way through life. I don't think either applies to my mother. If it did the rest of her wouldn't be "up", as well. I wonder if she "smiles" in her sleep. I'll have to check.
Normally in the evening while my mother is watching television and doing crosswords and usually something else like filing and polishing her nails or keeping up on the tabloids she buys (or putting Mild Taco Bell Sauce on cigarettes or lighting matches in her mouth) I'm usually at one of the computers or walking around the house doing chores (and putting off others). Last night I was feeling thrown off track and scattered so I avoided the computers and settled on the living room floor to sort through paperwork. I spent a lot of time looking at everything but the papers. I noticed that my mother's mouth has a very slight upward curve at the corners all the time and the skin around her eyes sits in such a way that it looks as though she is always just about ready to smile. My mother is magnificently wrinkled so, if anyone's mouth was going to pull down at the corners strictly as a result of age, it would be hers. At first I thought, "She's really enjoying herself tonight." As I continued glancing at her (actually, spying on her to the point of her finally asking me if there was something wrong with her hair) I noticed, regardless of what she was doing at any particular time her mouth and her eyes didn't change even when she stopped to read something to me, commented on something, reached down to pet the cats or pick up something she dropped, went into the kitchen to refill her water glass or slice more cheese. I realized, she always looks like that. It occurred to me that this is the secret to her life, including her open arteries, her relaxed heart, her entire body, which accepts and adjusts to anything she does to it (a lot of which causes health care providers to shudder). Her body seems to react to her life the same way she reacts to Life. She's always ready to be amused or warmed by whatever is going on or whatever she's thinking. I suspect she's always been that way. Right now I'm looking at her staring out the window at something, probably thinking about something and, sure enough, the woman appears ready to burst into a smile. Although I have no desire to make her angry I can't wait until the next time she gets mad (who knows how long that will be; she hardly ever gets mad and, obviously, she doesn't carry around any internal anger either). I wonder if the corners of her mouth will still tilt up.
I'm not sure it's the secret to anyone else's life or longevity or anything, despite the fact that there appears to be, in this culture at least, a tendency to browbeat people into "positive" attitudes by: citing "research" that people with "positive" attitudes are healthier, live longer, etc., or pointing to famous spiritual leaders and noting that they have ready smiles (it doesn't occur to people that being in the public eye because one appears to have something intangible that others want would tend to put a smile on one's face anyway, for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with generosity of spirit). But I think my mother's readiness to smile may be the secret to her health and longevity. It might also be one of the reasons that she is aging so easily, which is a tremendous gift to me.
I know there is that old argument (which is true) that women are trained to smile, but no one trains their at-rest mouth "up" instead of "down" unless they're an actor or consciously acting their way through life. I don't think either applies to my mother. If it did the rest of her wouldn't be "up", as well. I wonder if she "smiles" in her sleep. I'll have to check.
