Sunday, August 13, 2000
Living the Less Sweet Life - To MFS
Last night Mom and I went out to dinner at the Black Eyed Pea. She had a chicken pot pie and some apple cobbler with vanilla ice cream; not a huge serving, just a normal amount of after dinner delight. When she asked the waiter for it I asked him to excuse us for a minute. I told her I wasn't sure having dessert was wise (I didn't have any), but told her that the decision was hers.
Around 11 o'clock she had about 3 ounces of cheese. Her blood sugar was 212 this morning. That isn't the lowest it's been in the morning but it's steadily lowering, both morning and night, the way I analyze it. I like her Visiting Nurse and I know she works with all older clients but I can't help thinking that even though Mom's blood sugar isn't coming down as fast as VN would like, it's coming down slowly but surely and we're taking the right steps. Plus, I can't help remembering her PCP telling us that diabetes is a "new" disease in the sense that, while it was recognized and attempts to treat it were started long before now, the ability to understand it, track it and treat it meticulously is only about a century old. Its discovery and treatment is still hit and miss because research and studies of diabetics are so young that much of what we think we know is guess work. I hope the Diabetic Nurse Practicioner we see on Wednesday agrees. If she doesn't I will be cross-examining her (non-threateningly, of course), as to why it's necessary, after two years, to plunge Mom into Glucose Health rather than to gently escort her there.
Last night I decided we should keep a notebook of everything Mom eats. I prompt her and have her write everything down immediately after it's eaten. I've made it clear, and I think Mom understands, that it's not for the purpose of criticism but comparison so we can see how her food choices influence her blood glucose levels. Truthfully, I think the change in eating habits is not as hard for Mom as she and I both thought it would be. That, at least, is a relief.
I was feeling very low this morning when I awoke. I was short with Mom. She's always philosophical in response. When I was 9 I hated that. Now I not only appreciate it, I depend on it. I hope I can adjust to the additional monitoring her life will require with a little more grace than I displayed this morning. She was leaking (not hugely, from her perspective, but still enough so that I am now washing one of the pads that was washed on Saturday). We realized it was probably because we forgot her Detrol last night. I asked her to change her underwear and put on a pad. She said, "O.K.", then proceeded to sit for 15 minutes while I continued reminding her. That didn't sit well with me and I started crying and telling her that I needed her to cooperate with me and to try to voluntarily cooperate with this diabetic management system as long as she had the mental capacity to do so. She went in to the bathroom. I followed a few minutes later to see if she was remembering to put on a pad (she doesn't always, and hadn't). I thought she hadn't changed her underwear so I started in on a lecture on that. Shortly thereafter I discovered she had, indeed, changed her underwear and thrown the wet pair in the wash without me noticing. I felt bad and apologized. I hope that helped. I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though I'm improving Mom's life then canceling the improvement with all my monitoring.
I'm okay about any letter you compose and send to our other sisters, really. It's been frustrating that they have felt as though they can't keep tabs on Mom and assure her that they are "there". At the same time though, I see their situations, knowing that everyone designs their lives in their own way for their own reasons, depending on the circumstances they find themselves in and I can't fault them. People deal with what they can. We all do. Unfortunately, considering how dependent Mom is on her "family feeling", family distance makes Mom's life slightly less than wonderful. Mom is always aware of it although she excuses relatives everything. I can see now that part of the reason for that may be that Mom was quite distant from her own family when her parents were her age, because she lived on Guam (and probably for other reasons connected with her own family that we'll never know). When people have even a minutely karmic outlook on life (and almost everyone does, which explains why we all "know" what karma is) they tend to think they are always getting what they deserve. I don't think that's true. But it's hard, often impossible, to ignore popular spiritual beliefs.
I'm so glad you visited. I needed someone else to see what was going on: For support, for suggestions, for encouragement. It was especially important during this initial phase of learning to monitor her diabetes. I'm glad it happened to coincide with your visit. I know you don't see it this way but I can assure you that things wouldn't have gone nearly as well as they did if you hadn't been here. Mom tends to discount my efforts and counsel, probably because I'm here all the time and because, although she's never said anything, my tendency to spout facts and lecture annoys her and she always assumes I have no idea what I'm talking about. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being here.
Around 11 o'clock she had about 3 ounces of cheese. Her blood sugar was 212 this morning. That isn't the lowest it's been in the morning but it's steadily lowering, both morning and night, the way I analyze it. I like her Visiting Nurse and I know she works with all older clients but I can't help thinking that even though Mom's blood sugar isn't coming down as fast as VN would like, it's coming down slowly but surely and we're taking the right steps. Plus, I can't help remembering her PCP telling us that diabetes is a "new" disease in the sense that, while it was recognized and attempts to treat it were started long before now, the ability to understand it, track it and treat it meticulously is only about a century old. Its discovery and treatment is still hit and miss because research and studies of diabetics are so young that much of what we think we know is guess work. I hope the Diabetic Nurse Practicioner we see on Wednesday agrees. If she doesn't I will be cross-examining her (non-threateningly, of course), as to why it's necessary, after two years, to plunge Mom into Glucose Health rather than to gently escort her there.
Last night I decided we should keep a notebook of everything Mom eats. I prompt her and have her write everything down immediately after it's eaten. I've made it clear, and I think Mom understands, that it's not for the purpose of criticism but comparison so we can see how her food choices influence her blood glucose levels. Truthfully, I think the change in eating habits is not as hard for Mom as she and I both thought it would be. That, at least, is a relief.
I was feeling very low this morning when I awoke. I was short with Mom. She's always philosophical in response. When I was 9 I hated that. Now I not only appreciate it, I depend on it. I hope I can adjust to the additional monitoring her life will require with a little more grace than I displayed this morning. She was leaking (not hugely, from her perspective, but still enough so that I am now washing one of the pads that was washed on Saturday). We realized it was probably because we forgot her Detrol last night. I asked her to change her underwear and put on a pad. She said, "O.K.", then proceeded to sit for 15 minutes while I continued reminding her. That didn't sit well with me and I started crying and telling her that I needed her to cooperate with me and to try to voluntarily cooperate with this diabetic management system as long as she had the mental capacity to do so. She went in to the bathroom. I followed a few minutes later to see if she was remembering to put on a pad (she doesn't always, and hadn't). I thought she hadn't changed her underwear so I started in on a lecture on that. Shortly thereafter I discovered she had, indeed, changed her underwear and thrown the wet pair in the wash without me noticing. I felt bad and apologized. I hope that helped. I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though I'm improving Mom's life then canceling the improvement with all my monitoring.
I'm okay about any letter you compose and send to our other sisters, really. It's been frustrating that they have felt as though they can't keep tabs on Mom and assure her that they are "there". At the same time though, I see their situations, knowing that everyone designs their lives in their own way for their own reasons, depending on the circumstances they find themselves in and I can't fault them. People deal with what they can. We all do. Unfortunately, considering how dependent Mom is on her "family feeling", family distance makes Mom's life slightly less than wonderful. Mom is always aware of it although she excuses relatives everything. I can see now that part of the reason for that may be that Mom was quite distant from her own family when her parents were her age, because she lived on Guam (and probably for other reasons connected with her own family that we'll never know). When people have even a minutely karmic outlook on life (and almost everyone does, which explains why we all "know" what karma is) they tend to think they are always getting what they deserve. I don't think that's true. But it's hard, often impossible, to ignore popular spiritual beliefs.
I'm so glad you visited. I needed someone else to see what was going on: For support, for suggestions, for encouragement. It was especially important during this initial phase of learning to monitor her diabetes. I'm glad it happened to coincide with your visit. I know you don't see it this way but I can assure you that things wouldn't have gone nearly as well as they did if you hadn't been here. Mom tends to discount my efforts and counsel, probably because I'm here all the time and because, although she's never said anything, my tendency to spout facts and lecture annoys her and she always assumes I have no idea what I'm talking about. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being here.
